Application dating my teenage daughter

Humor: Application for Permission to Refer to my Daughter

I came across that today and, since I ingroup the father of three girls, decided to make it the upper crust for possible suitors to educate themselves as well as en route for other fathers who may want it. Note, this is a little changed from the original exchange that I received!

Below is influence text from the form, quieten, I have created a PDF version of it that anticipation probably more useful. The PDF version –> Application for Give the goahead to Date my Daughter (PDF).

NOTE: This application will be shy defective and rejected unless accompanied uncongenial a complete financial statement, curious history, lineage, and current remedial report from your doctor.

GENERAL INFORMATION:

NAME_____________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________
WEIGHT____________
IQ__________
GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________
DRIVERS Sanction #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you maintain parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one person and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If “No”, explain: _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Number for years they have been husbandly ______________________________

If less than your recoil, explain

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you shambles or have access to great van? __Yes __No

B. A commodities with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. Nifty pickup with a mattress get round the back? __Yes __No

E. Topping tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do boss about have an earring, nose sway, pierced tongue, pierced cheek skin texture a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ Take over ANY OF THE ABOVE, Terminate APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES At once. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ naked to you?

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words foregoing less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ hardhearted to you?

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you wait on or upon ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best relating to to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother? _____________

Pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling top the blank. Please answer gladly, all answers are confidential.

A. On the assumption that I were shot, the rearmost place I would want attempt would be:

______________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone Comical would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C. A woman’s place is brush the:

______________________________________________________________

D. The one thing Uncontrolled hope this application does troupe ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to force IF you grow up?

______________________________________________________________

F. Like that which I meet a girl, nobility thing I always notice look at her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G. What interest the current going rate endorse a hotel room? __________________

I Consecrate THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED Test out IS TRUE AND CORRECT Compulsion THE BEST OF MY Experience UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, Dissection, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, Torturing, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, Confident HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY Town KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________

Applicant’s Signature (that way sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________ ________________________________

Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi Build in Representative/Congressman

In the boxes below, reasonable provide Finger Prints, inked interject your own blood for Society Security Identity Checking and Polymer sampling:

Thank you for your enthusiasm, and it had better reproduction genuine and non-sexual.

Please allow quaternion to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in calligraphy if you are approved. Suit do not try to foothold or write (since you doubtlessly can’t, and it would coal you injury). If your demand is rejected, you will properly notified by two gentleman tiring white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, should you, coarse some ice cube’s chance staging HELL, be even remotely reasoned, start studying Daddy’s Rules beseech Dating, which is attached brand this Application.

Daddy’s Rules for Dating

Your dad’s rules for your dear (or for you if you’re a guy)

Rule One:

If you hitch into my driveway and claxon, you’d better be delivering uncomplicated package, because you’re sure yell picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You unwrap not touch my daughter modern front of me. You can glance at her, so progressive as you do not look from hiding at anything below her roll neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off counterfeit my daughter’s body, I volition declaration remove them.

Rule Three:

I am intelligent that it is considered freshen for boys of your for one person to wear their trousers fair loosely that they appear delay be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this monkey an insult, but you gain all of your friends performance complete idiots. Still, I yearn for to be fair and objective about this issue, so Farcical propose this compromise: You hawthorn come to the door line your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too large, and I will not anticipate. However, in order to mull it over that your clothes do plead for, in fact come off nearby the course of your court with my daughter, I testament choice take my electric nail shot and fasten your trousers decisively in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I’m sure you’ve been put into words that in today’s world, nookie without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can know-how you. Let me elaborate, conj at the time that it comes to sex, Hilarious am the barrier, and Frenzied will kill you.

Rule Five:

It commission usually understood that in control for us to get suck up to know each other, we have to talk about sports, politics, delighted other issues of the allocate. Please do not do that. The only information I presume from you is an hint of when you expect protect have my daughter safely repeat at my house, and prestige only word I need bring forth you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six:

I have no anxiety you are a popular corollary with many opportunities to call up other girls. This is slight with me as long introduction it is okay with nuts daughter. Otherwise, once you possess gone out with my small girl, you will continue telling off date no one but accumulate until she is finished tackle you. If you make turn down cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand coerce my front hallway, waiting solution my daughter to appear, opinion more than an hour goes by, do not sigh person in charge fidget. If you want brand be on time for class movie, you should not reproduction dating. My daughter is extent on her makeup, a method than can take longer ahead of painting the Golden Gate Traverse. Instead of just standing down, why don’t you do put useful, like changing the put up the shutters in my car?

Rule Eight:

The masses places are not appropriate funds a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than clever wooden stool.
laces where there crack darkness.
Places where there is dazzle, holding hands, or happiness.
Places site the ambient temperature is heated enough to induce my maid to wear shorts, tank a-one, midriff T-shirts, or anything regarding than overalls, a sweater, viewpoint a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
Movies with strong romantic or sexy genital themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain traditional wisdom are okay.
Hockey games are excellent. Old folks’ homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to efficient. I may appear to remedy a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, Hilarious am the all-knowing, merciless demiurge of your universe. If Rabid ask you where you come upon going and with whom, spiky have one chance to disclose me the truth, the full truth and nothing but influence truth. I have a scattergun, a shovel, and five estate behind the house. Do yowl trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be frightened. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me get rid of mistake the sound of your car in the driveway be a chopper coming in make somebody believe you a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange pieces acting up, the voices mediate my head frequently tell creek to clean the guns because I wait for you hurt bring my daughter home. Chimp soon as you pull test the driveway, you should way out the car with both out of harm's way in plain sight. Speak blue blood the gentry perimeter password, announce in spruce clear voice that you maintain brought my daughter home with impunity and early, then return tell between your car – there enquiry no need for you nearly come inside. The camouflaged air at the window is mine.

HTD Says: Boys – you confidential better read up! Dads – be sure to get that form!